Proxee in the News!

"Dating not your forte? Proxee wants to help.
by Brooke Ward

For some, a first date is synonymous with the words awkward and intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be, say two BYU students who recently started their own dating advice web site.

(D and J) turned a long-standing joke about starting a dating-help business into an entrepreneurial venture with the launch of Proxee Consulting on June 15.

“For the past year and a half we would go on dates and come home and be like, ‘well, that wasn’t what I expected,’ ” (J) said. “Or we would talk to our guy friends and hear some of the things that they were having problems with, often things that we thought were really common sense, like calling a couple of days in advance rather than texting the night of.”

After hearing similar complaints from other girlfriends, (D) and (J) decided to stop talking and joking about awkward dates and take action. They envisioned a blog that would be a positive place for people to engage in a conversation about dating, send in their own dating stories or get personal responses on more specific questions.

“It’s hard to find dating advice online or in books that don’t just have that ultimate goal in mind of hooking up or even marriage,” (J) said. “We’re all for marriage, but we’re really focused on getting from date one to date two and the beginning of a relationship.”

Anyone can go online and submit dating advice or stories, but other services provided by Proxee Consulting come with a fee. These services include proxy dates — where a man wanting feedback on his dating style goes on a “Hitch”-like date with (D) or (J) and is evaluated — and image consulting. There are also extra features for those who want more individualized help, (J) said.

“There’s nothing worse than going on a date and thinking it went well only to have the girl refuse a second date or just ignore you,” she said, noting that half the battle of helping a man to correct his off-putting habits is to make him aware of them. “There are a lot of little things that guys often just don’t think about that make a big difference.”

According to (D and J), some of the biggest dating gaffes include dressing too casually, not planning ahead and talking too much about themselves, usually out of nervousness.

“A lot of guys don’t even think about the fact that girls generally put a ton of time into planning and preparing for a date, so when they open a door and their date is in sweatpants and flip flops it just kind of loses that magic instantly,” (D) said. “When the guy takes the initiative to plan a date it shows first of all that he’s interested and takes it from the hangout mentality to an actual date.”

Before launching Proxee Consulting, (D and J) approached their bishop and members of their stake presidency. With an enthusiastic response from their ecclesiastical leaders, they forged ahead with the blog and, immediately after launching, were flooded with responses.

“Within the first couple hours we had over 700 hits,” (J) said.

Since then (D and J) have marveled as their following has grown with largely positive feedback.

“Its become bigger than we thought it would be,” (D) said. “I can’t believe the people coming out of the woodwork and how responsive they have been.”

However, there has also been some criticism.

“We have gotten some serious hate mail from a few guys,” (D) said. “They call me names and say I’m bitter, but it doesn’t really bug me because most people realize that our intent is not to belittle men.”

The main purpose of Proxee Consulting is to help guys fine-tune their dating skills, (J) said. However, men have also contributed advice for women and Proxee Consulting now has a male guest blogger writing a feature called “Man to Man.”

“We want guys to feel like they’re being heard as well and not feeling like we’re just ranting about men,” (D) explained.

Another concern for some respondents is that the women, both 23, are single.

“I think that makes us even better authorities because we’re still in the dating scene,” (D) said, while (J) noted that both women have been in relationships in the past and have seen the good, the bad and the ugly in relationships and dating.

“We’re not out there saying that there is only one way to do things or giving our personal preferences,” (D) said. “We’re just trying to lay down some really basic dating strategies that apply to the biggest number of girls … pretty generic things that will lead a first date into a second.”

It seems college students are busy these days and don’t have a lot of time to waste, which is why (D) feels Proee Consulting is important.

“Our goal is to help people make the most out of the dates that they do go on,” (D) said.

Those interested in joining the dating conversation, being a guest blogger or sharing dating stories can do so at proxeeconsulting.com."

Accompanying Photo of Me and a Friend

Pic Spam!

Not sure I agree with the end, but I love the rest. :)

Proxee Consultancy

Anyone who's ever been part of the dating world knows that the "first" of "first date" is almost always synonymous with "only". From the moment you realize he has no intention of opening that door for you, to the awkward moment when you realize your dress and heels are completely inappropriate for a surprise date hike, to the pause by the doorstop when you reluctantly admit that you "would rather stab yourself in the eye with kabob sticks than let his lips go anywhere near you" (paraphrased)... things can go fantastically, horribly wrong.

These aren't the dates we're worried about. Having a Date-From-Hell story is practically a rite of passage for women, something we can bond and giggle over while we distract ourselves with frozen yogurt on a completely date-less Friday night. Nothing says sisterhood like sharing the time your date called your mom a whore (I wish I was kidding).

No, we're more worried about the other dates. The non-spectacular failures when your roommates demand a play-by-play and all you can say is "eh". Or worse, the non-dates where you are stuck in hanging-out limbo but the guy still has the expectation of making out with you.

Dear Romeos: we know we can seem hard to get sometimes. Ever considered using different bait?

Proxee Consulting is officially open for business.

"Proxee is not like other dating services. We don’t match up, hunt singles, or play cupid. We stand in proxy for the person of your dreams, giving you practice, tips, and advice to help you be a winner on that first date. Consider us a dress rehearsal, your coach in the corner, the final run through before the actual date. There are several basic tricks when it comes to dating, and we’ll clue you in on them." (see our website for more information)

For the Guys:
The Date and Review: You take one of our Proxies out and we'll give you a comprehensive review afterward with individualized feedback about your performance.
Ask the Proxies Personal Email Session: If you just have a quick question about women, dating, or anything else you think we might be able to help with, shoot us an email.
Image Consultancy: Customized tips about personal image and wardrobe.

Our blog will be updated a few times a week with general advice, dating fail stories, and dating success stories. If you have a story to share or you want to be a guest blogger, let us know! We'd love to hear from you.

Love,
Your new Proxee

P.S.: Check out Danielle's post too!

I get by with a little help from my friends: Nat-chan

Nat-chan sent me an adorably wrapped birthday present from Japan. Isn't she the sweetest?



All the boxes of sweets were opened and emptied within a day. Foreign chocolate, guys. I have no regrets.

Public Service Announcement

If anyone would like to propose, I am accepting applications on the condition that they are mailed attached to this ring:

Available here for approximately half of my next year's salary.

Meet Your Teacher

As part of the celebration of the end of the school year, the students are given time to go to their new classroom, see their new classmates, and meet their new teacher. The veteran teachers assured me that it was something that wasn't given much thought to, but my inner greenie-teacher was nervous. What if they hate me? What if they're crazy? What if they throw desks at me, rip up all the papers, and escape out the back door???

Thankfully, they filed in quietly and took their seats at the very back of the classroom, filtering their way forward as the seats were filled. A third of my students were missing (with peer-offered excuses ranging from "absent" to "he cut his leg real bad and it was bleeding and he had to go home" to "he disappeared a few months ago... but we think he'll be back next year!"). We talked for a bit about the things they'll be learning next year and their suggested summer studying. Most of them seemed excited about math and science so I'll have to spend the summer looking up experiments for them. One little boy, who immediately earned the mental nickname Pop Quiz, was very disappointed that I wouldn't engage in an immediate lecture on "the little exclamation point that goes by numbers" and later showed concern that we wouldn't be studying factorials.


I then opened it up to them to tell me a little about themselves and what they thought would make their fifth grade year perfect. My favorite responses:

The boy who put "micro-engineering" as his favorite subject and wants to "blow stuff up in chemistry". He also wrote some of his answers backwards and the other side of the paper said "Why Santa is Dead. Ho Ho KaBOOM. Bye Bye Santa."

Another boy also wants to "destroy stuff" but he's willing to fix it too.

Two girls wrote that they were interesting because they were "flexible". Surprisingly, not the same girls that want to hold singing and dancing contests in class.

The overwhelming majority of them just want to "be involved in class". Can do!

The Lanyard- Billy Collins

This has been playing on repeat in my iTunes. It's worth a listen if you can-- his tone tends to add more humor to his poems than you might pick find in the text alone-- but the full poem is below. Happy Almost Mother's Day!

The Lanyard - Billy Collins

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Found this at my door this morning:

Senioritis? What Senioritis?

I may or may not have missed 2 of 5 pop quizzes in my last religion class because basketball, dates, and photoshoots took priority. Now, I have a killer final that I have to do well on or my Wednesday nights this semester were for nothing. So while Summer-Jayme says "wing it!", Responsible-Jayme is panicking a little.

Points for SJ: 7
Late Night Photo Scavenger Hunt (52 pts! 1 pt)
Barrett posting procrastination fodder on my wall (1 pt)
Trolling the used bookstore (1 pt)
Bikinis on the porch for hours (1 pt)
Insanity double dose workout (2 pt)
Buffet with Elly, Mexules, and Enoch (1 pt)

Points for RJ: .5
Looked over flashcards with Elly (1 pt)... while sunbathing (- .5)

Definition of a Date

Between the two of us, Elly and I cover a wide spectrum of the dating world when it comes to the guys who approach us. We picked up on the fact that dating around here could use some improvement. We have plans to fix it, but until that gets off the ground (only a year into the brainstorming process!) I wanted to rant about address some of the issues that I have run into most recently.

Most importantly: some guys seem to be forgetting how to ask a girl out.

Now, if your intention is to be friends with a girl, kudos to you (unless you are one of those "nice guys" who try to backdoor their way into a relationship by becoming a bestest friend forever first and then whining when she only sees you as exactly that). But if you want more than that, cut the crap and ask her out in a way that she will know, without a doubt, that you intend to take her on a date.



Elder Oaks mentioned in a fireside that there were three P's of dating. I'm going to piggyback off him and then add one more of my own.

1. Planned Ahead

Here's the thing guys....

Unless I hear the word "date", I'm probably not going to consider it one. The exception is the implied "date" in the words "I'd like to take you to..."

Know what we are doing! And let me know at least a day in advance via actual conversation (not a text). In a recent informal poll taken at every girl's night ever, it was determined that one of the biggest turnoffs during the first few dates are the words "So what do you want to do/ where do you want to go?"

For one, we like to know what we should wear. I'm a high heels girl and I need to know if we are going somewhere that would require a lot of walking so I can hunt down some flats. More importantly, it shows us that you cared enough to put thought into the evening. A date, especially a first date, shouldn't involve spectacular displays or the pressure for commitment, but it should involve thought.

2. Picked-up

I used to tell myself that I really didn't care if I guy picked me up, especially if we were going somewhere closer to his place than mine. But I soon noticed that the guys who were willing to just meet me there were the ones who were lazy in other areas as well. Now I have a strict no-drive, no-date policy that helps me weed out the lazy ones. If he doesn't think I'm worth the drive, I don't think he's worth the date. Once things are more established between us, I'm happy to spend time behind the wheel to see him.

Show the girl the courtesy of picking her up.

3. Paid For

Touchy subject and one that varies depending on the person. I'm a firm believer that whoever asks, pays. Show the girl that she's more than just a convenient piece of estrogen and follow-through with the date you arranged. Down the road, she'll do the same.

4. Privacy

Can I add a fourth one here? Privacy. I'm not talking about alone-at-the-apartment-in-the-dark privacy. I mean showing the girl the courtesy of being on a date with her and only her. Dating is not a spectator sport and you should not be bringing along a panel of judges friends. I should not feel like a contestant on American Idol when I'm with you. Nothing about our date should bring to mind Ruben Studdard comparisons.

Make me feel like the one on the right and I will turn into the one on the left.

Lately, I've noticed that more and more guys I go out with want to immediately introduce me to their friends. Now, I'm not against getting to know a guy's friends. I've stayed friends with almost every guy I have ever been involved with and one of the best parts was that I also got to stay friends with the people I met through them. I even love meeting their new girlfriend or spouse and seeing what type of girl was right for them. But if every date we went on included their friends in some way, you can be sure that I wouldn't have stuck around long enough to get to know any of them. Let me explain.

Part of beginning to date someone, and a part the I struggle with, is being vulnerable to someone you really have no reason to trust yet. If most of our dates involve your buddies, you aren't going to see the parts of me that I would have shown you otherwise. Whatever feelings I might start to have for you are incentive for me to start opening up to you. I don't have any of those feelings for your friends. They might seem like a safety net to you, a group of people to validate your choice or give you a fall-back in case I turn out to be boring. But to me, they are an audience that I don't necessarily want to preform for. Their presence is going to influence what we talk about, what we don't talk about, and how I act around you.

Essentially, if we are hanging out with your friends, we are hanging out. You are friend-zoning yourself by not putting us in situations (read: taking me on dates) that would promote the kind of intimacy that leads to actual dating.

Do I want to meet your friends? Yes, eventually.

Do I want them to like me? Yes.

But I want you to like me, to get to know me, first.

Fifth Grade Library

I've been trolling D.I., Savers, and garage sales lately for books I can use to stock my fifth grade classroom library. I've collected quite a few that fall under the category of "oldie-but-goodies" (or more likely: "things-Jayme-vaguely-remembers-reading-and-they-only-cost-a-dollar"). Unsurprisingly, the more recent books that are popular with kids haven't been designated to many thrift stores. Likewise, finding firsts in a series can be pretty difficult unless you go online (which I have, much to my wallet's chagrin). I've been soliciting donations/bargains on craigslist, freecycle, and facebook, but I wanted to keep track of the books I want most. Crossed out numbers are books I've managed to find.

Wish-List:

Wayside School Series 1 2 3 4 5
Peter and the Starcatchers Series 1 2 3 4
Percy Jackson Series 1 2 3 4 5
City of Ember Series 1 2 3 4
Animorphs Series 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Winding Circle by Tamora Pierce 1 2 3 4
Ella Enchanted
Among the Hidden
Rules by Cynthia Lord
Holes by Louis Sachar
Frindle by Andrew Clements
Series of Unfortunate Events 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
The Mysterious Benedict Society 1 2 3
Pendragon series 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Fablehaven series 1 2 3 4 5
Artemis Fowl 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Anything by Roald Dahl
Harry Potter Series 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Number the Stars
Dear America Series
The Giver
Sammy Keyes 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
Goosebumps
Anything by Louis Sachar
Chronicles of Narnia 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Student Requested:
The Ranger's Apprentice series
The Mysterious Adventure of Edward Tulane
Miss Fortune
The Boy Next Door
Dragon Rider
The Dear Dumb Diary Series
Bad Kitty Series
Diary of a Wimpy Kid

On Hope

Thursday night.

I'm in crazy-hippie-man's class, being lectured on the divine power of the feminine, Jesus' resurrection, and the Kennedy assassination plot. As per usual, I have my phone out, ready to text Elly with the latest conspiracy theory quotes and Star Trek references. It lights up-- a message from my little sister:

"Mom went to the doctor and they found precancerous cells on her cervix."

She didn't know much more than that. Mom had left her phone at home and didn't respond to my texts. The router at our apartment was broken, so as soon as class ended I went to the lab and started researching. Precancerous cells are considered Stage 0 cancer and, if caught early, can be "cured" 100%. Those with Stage 0 cervical cancer have a 93% five-year survival rate. Of course, if it is someone you love, that pre-cancer is still way, way too much cancer.

I was shaken so I participated in my holy trinity of coping:
1. Pray
2. Read the scriptures
3. Eat In & Out (because nothing says "my mom has cancer" like giving yourself a sympathy heart attack).

I've since talked to my mom and she sounds nonchalant about the whole thing (though that may have to do with her access to a supply of morphine to "make things easier or speed things up"). They found the polyps at her doctor visit (her first one of the kind in 19 years) and sent them to the lab. They aren't sure if it has spread or how far it would have spread so we're playing the waiting game until the labs come back.

I feel like I'm in suspension, like I'm swimming in water and I can see the worry and panic floating above me but they haven't reached me yet. The answer to my prayers thus far has been a calming mantra in my head: "Don't worry until it is yours to worry about."

I have hope. Not in the sense of miraculous healings or things getting better. I just know that now would be a lousy time to stop trusting God. I don't know what His plan is but I know He has one and He'll give me the strength I need to get through whatever He has coming. I wish I had stronger, more unique words to say, some spectacular new lesson I've learned, but I don't. It's the same faith and trust that carried me through everything else that will carry me through this too. Vaclav Havel: "Hope is not that conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."

Good reasons not to go to class: Modelling Edition

At some point, someone said something about how you won't remember all the moments in your life. This totally works as an excuse to skive off class to go do a last minute photoshoot for the mother of a guy you barely know.

As I was helping her carry her equipment outside to where we were shooting by the trees, all I could think was "Why did I think I could do this? I have one face and it is smiley-Jayme!" Julie worked her magic in such a sweet, matronly way that eventually I was making angry-amused-face with the worst of them.

Pictures to follow! (Hopefully) Pictures below! All of these are property of Julie Pierce. I'm just in them. :)

What Teachers Make

Out of respect for the school and people involved, I've been keeping blog-fully silent about the events that unfolded in the past month during my practicum. However, I don't feel that I am crossing any lines when I say that I adored all of my 6th graders and I really enjoyed the opportunity I had to work with them. We had a terrific time together, exploring microscopes and fungi and finding creative uses for my empty food boxes. I'm sorry you got your hopes up about the pop tarts every. single. time.

The past month and a half was a blur of three things: drama, work, and ever increasing amounts of caffeine. But I walked out of it with the one thing I have been working towards for the past three years: an internship. In the fall, I will have my very own gaggle of fifth graders in my very own classroom at Wasatch Elementary.

We interviewed Wednesday morning and were told to wait by our phones from 3-5 that afternoon for the call that would tell us who, if anyone, offered us a position. Those few hours in between were some of the most stretched out minutes of my life. Concentrating on a 1980's Disney thriller is not easy when all you can think of is how your phone might be ringing, glowing silently in your purse in the storage room while you are stuck trying to figure out whether the villain is an alien or a demon. Miss. HM, a fellow student teacher and intern hopeful, was called out during the movie and came back glowing about her new position as a first or second grade teacher. My call came when I was hugging all my students goodbye (I let it go to voice-mail. Priorities).

When I called Neff back and she told me my placement, I cried in relief. I spent the next two days being more relieved than excited, which then turned to nerves, and finally settled into bubbly excitement.

Perfect Date

This might be one of the sweetest set-ups I have ever seen. I'm officially declaring it my new "perfect date".

Only with just one cushion ;)

Sorry, "Carriage ride around temple square at Christmas with hot chocolate". You can still be my perfect winter date.

EDIT: I keep trying to type "dating" in as a tag for this post. It auto-corrects to "dating fail" every time. Technology reflects life? :p

Dear Blank, Please Blank

Dear Students,

I know when you're texting.

Sincerely,
No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.

via Dear Blank, Please Blank

Rob's Closet

A few month's ago I warned Rob that one day I would sneak into his house and try on all of his clothes. Last week, Elly and I made good on that threat.

Dear Blank, Please Blank

via Dear Blank, Please Blank

Teaching Inspiration

The Not-Navajo-Tacos Event

Spoiler Alert! Everyone pees blue at the end.

For the past year, I have been drifting blissfully in the limbo known as "suspended calling". Previously, I had been asked to reach out to members of our ward by organizing massive dinners based around their cultures. Nat-chan inspired make-your-own sushi night and the Hindu Festival of Colors was followed by a (very colorful) curry feast. But when summer hit, we had so few members of the ward that we decided to conserve out budget. Then the bishop was released, a new one was called, and my calling was forgotten in the transition.

Elly and I still stalk visit our second counselor-turned-stake clerk quite a bit, usually when we should be in Relief Society, and have gotten to know our stake president in the process. And he got to know, through Brother W's praise of me, about my old calling. He grabbed the bishop, the bishop reinstated me, and my first opportunity to pull at the ward's purse strings was this Sunday.

Having heard wonderful things about Dana's frybread, I decided to commandeer Break the Fast and hold a Navajo Taco feast. She was kind enough to not hate me for asking her less than a week before the event and agreed. Having been to a few BtFs where under 20 people showed up, I planned to make enough for a generous guess of 40 people. A nice, easy first meal where people could come and get a taste of how awesome our dinners will be.

Yeah.

No.

The actual BtF committee scheduled the meal, for very good reasons that I fully support, for a few hours earlier than I expected. A quick check with Dana before Relief Society revealed that she had planned for later too, so the dough wasn't made. She left early to throw a batch together while I went in search of a cooler. Naturally, it was missing (it showed up later with the activities committe as a drink cooler). I emptied our Christmas decorations box, lined it with tin foil, and called it good.

The next hour involved massive amounts of Crisco, two women 'flipping' and 'flapping' at mad speed, and a repeated cycle of the guys worrying about how long we were taking and us shooing them off via text, phone calls, and in person. We were almost done with our 40ish frybreads when we get the message that more people showed up than we expected.

More, in this instance, meaning "most of our ward, some significant others, and even a few parents."

So we show up with half as much frybread as we need to clapping and an arm tunnel, panicking just a little bit inside at the huge line of people. That's when Dana tells us about Smoke Signals, a movie where the Indian mother is presented with exactly the same problem. The solution?

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip

"And there shall be frybread for all!"

...and that is the story of how we fed almost a hundred hungry college kids (and company) with less than 50 pieces of frybread.

Seriously though, Undisclosed spiked the dessert. Enjoy your urine everyone! :)

Tales from the Teacher's Desk

Dear Sixth Grade Girls,

No, I don't want to marry all of your older brothers, especially not "right now". You sounded a little rabid and I'm not sure your brothers would appreciate being auctioned into a he-harem.

In the meantime, feel free to keep comparing me to Scarlett Johansson in Iron Man 2. I don't actually look anything like her but for some reason it makes you respect me more.

For one thing, I doubt that outfit would be allowed. Not even on Casual Fridays.

Looking forward to a fabulous month with you,
Miss Not-Your-Brother's-Last-Name

Fever Dreams: BiC

I've decided to start a Movement (capitalized because that totally makes it legitimate, amiright?). It's called the Bored in Class, or BiC, Movement because A) I'm not in advertising so my creativity levels are somewhere between the Star Wars remakes and Mean Girls 2 and B) ripping off pen company brand names is the new black, y'all.

Essentially, college kids who have to suffer through extremely boring classes for an unholy percentage of their non-senile years can sign up with their phone number and class times and they'll be assigned another user with a class at the same time. Numbers will be exchanged and BAM. Boredom alleviated! They can spend the class period texting each other. Depending on the creepiness factor of their partner, this could extend to hours of further giggles, including Stalker Watch, Fun with Restraining Orders, and Stockholm Marriages*!

*Handcuffs not included.

UPDATE: Do You Have Any Gum took notice and created a logo for BiC! Isn't it pretty? Here's a close-up of the emblem, complete with icanhazcheezeburgers cats.

Catching up on the Awesome

In order:

1. Last Thursday, my mother called to tell me she was in town for a nursing meeting. We went to Costco where she filled me up with actual groceries (to supplement my personal collection of Lean Pockets) and convinced me to my night class to go to Salt Lake with her. We grabbed my little sister, ate massive amounts of butter crab and clams at Joe's Crab Shack, and watched the inappropriately hilarious "Just Go With It".

2. Elly and Mexules taught me to play Call of Duty on Saturday. Afterwards, we went to what we thought would be a b-boy competition but was actually one white kid bouncing around in a dark room. We went to ghetto laser tag instead (I loved the two floor arena and half hour time limit). The next day, Mexules and I were both sick and Elly followed soon after. I now sound like a frog with a nictonine addiction, which has greatly improved my ability to sing my favorite rock songs with the right amount of "one bad decision away from dying" in my tone.

3. I took my mama to the BYU v Colorado State game yesterday.

She's not Racist.... Just Sleepy

Me: Hey, Elly!

Elly (asleep): Nnn...?

Me: Read this! (tosses her the book I'm using for an assignment)

Elly (squints at the cover): There once was a girl...she was black...and she liked it because she was diverse and got all the scholarships. Amen.

Experiences I never thought I'd have...

I turned my music way down on the way home because I was worried it would disturb the Madagascar hissing cockroaches in the seat next to me.

Last night, a guy made the mistake (?) of asking us for a ride home from FHE. On the drive back, Elly and I interrogated him. One of the things she asked was: "Do you like art?"

Now, really.

Who doesn't like art?

(He doesn't. I may have accused him of being Satan)

I tend to lean toward surrealist photography so I'd like to dedicate this post to a new favorite artist of mine. His name is Alastair Magnaldo.

Reflections of a Consecrated Life

Note: This is a paper I had to write reflecting on a talk given by one of the General Authorities in the most recent conference session. I'd like to preserve some of the thoughts I had and, as my class requires frequent journal writing, this is the medium I'm using. The talk I referenced can be found here.

As with most college students, the issue of what to do with my life has been one that has weighed heavily on my mind recently. I am approaching the end of my academic career, though a year-long internship will post-pone my actual graduation date, and have had cause to look hard at the things I have and have not accomplished so far. A couple years ago, it was made plain to me what my direction for life should be and the assurance that I am headed in the right direction has remained with me since then. However, other aspects of my life have been neglected out of fear and distraction. The Lord has been firm with me lately regarding what else I need to be striving for. In light of this, I chose to focus on Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s talk “Reflections on a Consecrated Life”. In it, he gave five main elements to a consecrated life: purity, work, service, respect for one’s physical body, and integrity. This paper will focus on my reflections of each as they have appeared in my life.

The first element I will discuss is purity, especially as it applies to repentance. Elder Christofferson says that true repentance involves complete submission. It is putting off the natural man and “acceptance of all the Lord may require”. While I do well keeping myself clean, it is my stubbornness that I have had cause to repent of. It has come to my attention that there are blessings that the Lord dearly wants me to have at this time, blessings that I have tried to put off in favor of other, objectively equal, paths He has also asked me to pursue. I am learning, albeit slowly, that in order to fully consecrate my life I must also give up my fears, understanding that though they may be reasonable, they are not justified. It has no place if I truly have faith in the plans God has for me.

I am taking the liberty of combining work and service into one topic, as they are closely intertwined. Elder Christofferson states that “work builds and refines character, creates beauty, and is the instrument of our service to one another and to God” (emphasis mine) and that “God has designed this mortal existence to require nearly constant exertion”. Experiences in my youth led me to believe that I must never rely on or expect help from other people, save God. Success became defined as being able to take full responsibility for myself in every aspect: financially, spiritually, romantically, and the like. In many ways, I was blessed with this liberation for I could relate full well to the thought that Elder Christofferson quoted from Elder Evans: “Life offers you two precious gifts—one is time, the other freedom of choice, the freedom to buy with your time what you will”. Thankfully, the Lord was merciful enough to give me experiences that led me to start surrendering, or consecrating, my life to Him. While the job I am seeking now is one far below my original pay grade and esteem goals, it is the daily service that is rendered from it that makes it far more satisfying than I ever expected.

The next element of consecration is respect for one’s physical body. Elder Christofferson reminds us that our bodies are temples of God and the instrument of our spirits. It should thus be treated as a creation of God, not to be defiled or abused. Like most young women, I have struggled with my physical body, even frequently treating it as an enemy. Only in the past two years have I learned to appreciate what its true purpose is: to help me perform the duties I am called to do. The inappropriate attention from others that made me fear it, the hate the I directed towards it, and the things I did to it to simultaneously punish and “improve” it were no more than tools of the enemy that prevented me from forming a united soul (body and spirit) that could be presented to the Lord to be used for His purposes.

The last element that Elder Christofferson mentions is integrity, driven from knowledge that we are accountable to God for all our doings. Though perhaps one of the most important ones, it is the element I have the least to say about as developing it is a life-long process that requires I surrender even my character to God. It is dealing with all men honestly and fairly, with compassion and honor, and is reflected in the interactions that occur daily. I do not claim perfection in this. I can only say that I will continue to move forward and pray that God will aid me.

The impression I was given while listening to and studying Elder Christofferson’s talk is that living a consecrated life involves seeking revelation about the things the Lord would have you do and then acting on the revelations you receive without fail. Work and effort are guaranteed but will be made holy through divine purpose, purpose that very often involves serving others. Respecting the physical body will make it easier to perform the tasks you are given. Integrity is required as a daily commitment and purity is necessary in order to ensure the most open lines of communication between you and your Heavenly Father. But these are all self-supporting elements; the more they are strengthened the more readily they will be sustained. My intention is to have a fully consecrated life; my actions are still moving towards it.

A Very Merry Unbirthday!

We're all mad here.

Today was the best birthday I've ever had (that wasn't actually my birthday, or even her's). Hell's Bells hit the big 1-8 on Friday. According to her, being legal means:

1. "Tittttttyyyyyy barrrrr" (facebook status)

2. She "can bring home 38 year old men!" Statutory rape is a thing of the past!

3. Not having to bum fake IDs to get into the same clubs mi madre used to party at.

Her actual birthday was rough going, culminating in a great dinner at Tucanos where the waiters brought me the bloodiest meat they were allowed to (thumbs up!) but the circumstances were less than ideal for the others. There were tears, verge of tears, and general frustration (thumbs down).

We called a do-over.

Today was filled with Insanity, an intense workout that started solo then became a spectator sport until my mother joined me (Bells and the Boyfriend provided "supportive" commentary). We went shopping for a few hours, got pedicures (even the Boyfriend), and then Bells and I headed to dinner with Legally Blonde.

We covered the basics: Bells' love life, how my recently widowed grandma is getting along, the concerts Legally Blonde had attended....

Then Legal's shirt sleeve rode up a little.

Me: "(Legal), did you get a tattoo?!"

He's got a big, black, tribal sign on his arm in celebration of his upcoming Big One Birthday. I think it has to do with fighting his age but, as I told him, I'm not sure what he's so worried about. My parents both look twenty years younger than they should and Blonde flat out is twenty years younger than you'd expect so really, I'm going to be surrounded by The Pretty People for a while. He seemed a bit miffed that I had noticed (as he pointed out, I'm so unobservant that I had to have the fact that they installed a deck on the front of our house pointed out to me) because Bells is itching for a tattoo and he's anti-inked-daughter (but if she has to, "Bones" at Southern Thunder does good work. Blonde agreed that he totally sounds like a worker at a strip club).

The rest of our conversation involved stripper tricks, the various ways Bells' friend's pets had died, and Legal's all-encompassing opinion of "Take that shiz* somewhere else!".

This is my family. We're non-traditional, irreverent, and hell is given to all. But if you could have seen us through the past nine years, you'd understand why being able to laugh together is one of the greatest gifts we've got.

*C'mon.

Never a Better Time than Now

I was talking to my mother's boyfriend during the holidays and our conversation turned, as it usually does, to how much we care about my mother and all the things we wished could be different for her. He remarked on this, saying that he wants things to stop piling on her, for the challenges to end.

The only thing I could say back was, "They won't. Life doesn't stop being heavy. But the trials we go through change and that is something to be thankful for."

I'm aware that that reeks of pessimism and even a little ingratitude. That's not how I mean it. I am fully aware of and grateful to my Heavenly Father for carrying me through the things I have faced. It is the strength that I've received from Him that gives me the courage to say, and believe, that "it doesn't have to be okay." To me, happiness is facing adversity without resentment.

Lately I've been getting strongly prompted that there is something more I need to be doing. My immediate response was panic (please God do not send me on a mission!) and confusion (you already made me change my major, so what now?). It is as if my spirit had been contained in a comparatively large bucket, filled to the brim. Then God stole my bucket and emptied it into a giant vat and said "Here, fill this one now".

(That is to say, my testimony hasn't been diminished. Its capacity has just rapidly expanded.)

After much prayer, scripture study, and a priesthood blessing, I've been pointed in the direction I'm supposed to go in.

Now, this is not a direction I am opposed to on principle. I have been promised and even desire to get there...someday. It is just that my life right now is so hectic, I pushed it to a lower priority. I'm trying to cram a full-time job's worth of duties into the hours between my ten very involved classes, in addition to some precious social and spiritual commitments. The thing I'm being asked to do, despite its "impact on the rest of my life and my children's lives", just hasn't seemed to fit in yet.

Here's where a mind-crush of mine, Soren Kierkegaard, comes in:

"The matter is quite simple. The bible is very easy to understand...We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined...Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God.”

(Seriously, who doesn't love the brilliant snarkiness of the man?)

There is never a perfect time for things. Life goes through heavy and light moments but I can't live waiting for it to be "light enough". Light or heavy becomes irrelevant when compared with the true state of circumstances: that the choice is not "now or later" but rather "do or do not". I've been given direction and, as with any revelation from God, I am responsible for acting on it from the moment I received it, regardless of what else is filling my time.

Working in God's time table doesn't always mean waiting patiently for things hoped for in the future. sometimes it means getting off my pockets and doing what He wants me to, even if it is sooner than I'd like. Even if it's right now.

Things I Know Nothing About: Love Edition

Disclaimer: I've never been in love.

But if I was, this is the kind of love I would want. Honest love that sees all the faults and says "Screw it, it's beautiful anyway."



If you can love my growing gut
My rotting teeth and graying hair
Then I can guarantee I'll do the same
As long as you can bare

And you won't love me every day
And suffer many a display



I'd love to be your redemption,
But I am just a man,
I may never be a hero.
But I'm a rock you can lean on.

If I don't love you like you deserve;
If I don't stop every tear you're cryin';
If I don't make your life,
A Heaven on this earth,
I'll die tryin'.

A Turn of the Gear

UN TOUR DE MANEGE from alexis liddell on Vimeo.

Because we've all felt like this.

Letters I Never Sent: The Replacement Edition

Dear New Student Teacher,

Thanks for letting me stop by the classroom today. I was at the elementary school for an unrelated lecture and couldn't resist looking in on my old class. I know it was a little chaotic when all the kids were storming over and creating the friendliest mob I've ever had the opportunity to be hug-tackled by. But I appreciated it more than you can know (yet).

I want you to know that you have an amazing group of kids in there. They are sweet, brilliant little people and I am so proud of everything they are accomplishing. I know they might seem challenging at first. You've got a lot of behavior management and language issues to work with and the temper tantrums can seem pretty intimidating. That's okay. There are ways to work through everything and I'm sure you'll figure them out. Don't let them see you frustrated, don't worry if you have to through your plans out the window, don't let the exhaustion they'll drive you to stop you from giving them everything you have.

And please, please don't ever underestimate them. The unresponsive kid in the corner is actually a genius; engage him. The kid that refuses to do his work is a budding artist; use that. The little girl who will drive you nuts with her Hermione-ish attitude is going through some things at home; let her tell you about them. The girl that has every answer wrong on the math tests doesn't understand place values; ignore the mandated lectures and let her work with manipulatives. The quiet boy who seems sad just needs to feel important-- dinosaurs help!

The day I left the school, I barely managed to shut my car door before I started crying. That's how much you'll miss them. They'll work their way into your thoughts and you'll wish you could go back and see how they are coming along. I was fortunate enough to get to. But you only really have a few months with them.

Do it right.

They deserve it.

Love,
The Old You

Fever Dreams: Better-than-Winnie-the-Pooh Edition

Yesterday was the last day at work for the Marrieds. The decision to leave was sudden for everyone involved. They made a tough decision and I wish them the best as they travel cross-country to a new city (just as cold as this one) and move on to the next part of their lives.

Come Monday morning I will have an office to myself again. As She-Married will be working online from her apartment, we brainstormed a couple solutions to try to circumvent our eventual death-by-solitude.

1. Conference calls regarding the very important aspects of our lives (such as the massive amount of adorable-ness that is my students and how many people in her new ward have asked her when they are going to start having kids).

2. She's getting a dog. I'm getting one of these!

Teacup Piglet!

I'm going to keep in in a teacup just like that one and carry it around in my purse like I'm Idaho's version of Paris "That's Hot" Hilton. Best of all, I have the permission of our CFO to make it our official office pet (probably because he didn't think I was serious and I told him the alternate was me sitting at the foot of his desk sharing all the things I usually just tell the Marrieds. With enthusiasm.)

All I have to do now is figure out how to get A-Boss to buy it and write off the $3400+ as "office supplies".

Letters I Never Sent: Happy Couple Edition!

Dear Newlyweds in the Row in front of Me,

You guys are cute. Really. From the first day of class I could tell that you two were in L.O.V.E. with dozens of jittery spirit children dancing around your feet in anticipation of that first great water slide, ready to be ushered through life cocooned by the loving arms of their not-quite-graduated-yet parents. How did I know?

Because you announced it.

"We just got back from our honeymoon!"

First day. First thing. And we all cared, because this is BYU and we devote actual church time to celebrating stranger's engagements ("good news minute", anyone?). We're even sincere about it (except for those girls who are secretly seething, wondering why a girl like that could get a man while she remains single. You know who you are.).

You spent the rest of the class period canoodling in the corner, eliciting "awwws" and envy from the people around you. We had a good thing going. You had your space. I had mine. PDA was more "Peripheral Displays of Affection".

So why, today, did you choose to sit directly in front, forcing the poor people behind you to witness some pretty bizarre mating rituals? Canoodling, great. Lingering eye, body scans with accompanying lecherous grins, okay, sure. I was even down with the winking, whispering, and blushing.

But why were you putting pens in your husband's ear? And why was he looking so... pleased... by it?

I'm not mocking you. This is a serious question and I legitimately want to know the answer. I googled "pen in the ear" and you know what I got back? Nothing. This is the same search engine that can bring up brain-melting porn when you type in "deep-fried Chinese fritos"*. No one else thinks it is a turn-on to have a pen shoved in their ear.

In conclusion: WTF.

Much love,
the girl behind you watching you way too closely
(Jayme)

*Unverified. Let's keep it that way.