Letters I Never Sent: The Replacement Edition

Dear New Student Teacher,

Thanks for letting me stop by the classroom today. I was at the elementary school for an unrelated lecture and couldn't resist looking in on my old class. I know it was a little chaotic when all the kids were storming over and creating the friendliest mob I've ever had the opportunity to be hug-tackled by. But I appreciated it more than you can know (yet).

I want you to know that you have an amazing group of kids in there. They are sweet, brilliant little people and I am so proud of everything they are accomplishing. I know they might seem challenging at first. You've got a lot of behavior management and language issues to work with and the temper tantrums can seem pretty intimidating. That's okay. There are ways to work through everything and I'm sure you'll figure them out. Don't let them see you frustrated, don't worry if you have to through your plans out the window, don't let the exhaustion they'll drive you to stop you from giving them everything you have.

And please, please don't ever underestimate them. The unresponsive kid in the corner is actually a genius; engage him. The kid that refuses to do his work is a budding artist; use that. The little girl who will drive you nuts with her Hermione-ish attitude is going through some things at home; let her tell you about them. The girl that has every answer wrong on the math tests doesn't understand place values; ignore the mandated lectures and let her work with manipulatives. The quiet boy who seems sad just needs to feel important-- dinosaurs help!

The day I left the school, I barely managed to shut my car door before I started crying. That's how much you'll miss them. They'll work their way into your thoughts and you'll wish you could go back and see how they are coming along. I was fortunate enough to get to. But you only really have a few months with them.

Do it right.

They deserve it.

Love,
The Old You

Letters I Never Sent: Happy Couple Edition!

Dear Newlyweds in the Row in front of Me,

You guys are cute. Really. From the first day of class I could tell that you two were in L.O.V.E. with dozens of jittery spirit children dancing around your feet in anticipation of that first great water slide, ready to be ushered through life cocooned by the loving arms of their not-quite-graduated-yet parents. How did I know?

Because you announced it.

"We just got back from our honeymoon!"

First day. First thing. And we all cared, because this is BYU and we devote actual church time to celebrating stranger's engagements ("good news minute", anyone?). We're even sincere about it (except for those girls who are secretly seething, wondering why a girl like that could get a man while she remains single. You know who you are.).

You spent the rest of the class period canoodling in the corner, eliciting "awwws" and envy from the people around you. We had a good thing going. You had your space. I had mine. PDA was more "Peripheral Displays of Affection".

So why, today, did you choose to sit directly in front, forcing the poor people behind you to witness some pretty bizarre mating rituals? Canoodling, great. Lingering eye, body scans with accompanying lecherous grins, okay, sure. I was even down with the winking, whispering, and blushing.

But why were you putting pens in your husband's ear? And why was he looking so... pleased... by it?

I'm not mocking you. This is a serious question and I legitimately want to know the answer. I googled "pen in the ear" and you know what I got back? Nothing. This is the same search engine that can bring up brain-melting porn when you type in "deep-fried Chinese fritos"*. No one else thinks it is a turn-on to have a pen shoved in their ear.

In conclusion: WTF.

Much love,
the girl behind you watching you way too closely
(Jayme)

*Unverified. Let's keep it that way.