Proxee in the News!

"Dating not your forte? Proxee wants to help.
by Brooke Ward

For some, a first date is synonymous with the words awkward and intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be, say two BYU students who recently started their own dating advice web site.

(D and J) turned a long-standing joke about starting a dating-help business into an entrepreneurial venture with the launch of Proxee Consulting on June 15.

“For the past year and a half we would go on dates and come home and be like, ‘well, that wasn’t what I expected,’ ” (J) said. “Or we would talk to our guy friends and hear some of the things that they were having problems with, often things that we thought were really common sense, like calling a couple of days in advance rather than texting the night of.”

After hearing similar complaints from other girlfriends, (D) and (J) decided to stop talking and joking about awkward dates and take action. They envisioned a blog that would be a positive place for people to engage in a conversation about dating, send in their own dating stories or get personal responses on more specific questions.

“It’s hard to find dating advice online or in books that don’t just have that ultimate goal in mind of hooking up or even marriage,” (J) said. “We’re all for marriage, but we’re really focused on getting from date one to date two and the beginning of a relationship.”

Anyone can go online and submit dating advice or stories, but other services provided by Proxee Consulting come with a fee. These services include proxy dates — where a man wanting feedback on his dating style goes on a “Hitch”-like date with (D) or (J) and is evaluated — and image consulting. There are also extra features for those who want more individualized help, (J) said.

“There’s nothing worse than going on a date and thinking it went well only to have the girl refuse a second date or just ignore you,” she said, noting that half the battle of helping a man to correct his off-putting habits is to make him aware of them. “There are a lot of little things that guys often just don’t think about that make a big difference.”

According to (D and J), some of the biggest dating gaffes include dressing too casually, not planning ahead and talking too much about themselves, usually out of nervousness.

“A lot of guys don’t even think about the fact that girls generally put a ton of time into planning and preparing for a date, so when they open a door and their date is in sweatpants and flip flops it just kind of loses that magic instantly,” (D) said. “When the guy takes the initiative to plan a date it shows first of all that he’s interested and takes it from the hangout mentality to an actual date.”

Before launching Proxee Consulting, (D and J) approached their bishop and members of their stake presidency. With an enthusiastic response from their ecclesiastical leaders, they forged ahead with the blog and, immediately after launching, were flooded with responses.

“Within the first couple hours we had over 700 hits,” (J) said.

Since then (D and J) have marveled as their following has grown with largely positive feedback.

“Its become bigger than we thought it would be,” (D) said. “I can’t believe the people coming out of the woodwork and how responsive they have been.”

However, there has also been some criticism.

“We have gotten some serious hate mail from a few guys,” (D) said. “They call me names and say I’m bitter, but it doesn’t really bug me because most people realize that our intent is not to belittle men.”

The main purpose of Proxee Consulting is to help guys fine-tune their dating skills, (J) said. However, men have also contributed advice for women and Proxee Consulting now has a male guest blogger writing a feature called “Man to Man.”

“We want guys to feel like they’re being heard as well and not feeling like we’re just ranting about men,” (D) explained.

Another concern for some respondents is that the women, both 23, are single.

“I think that makes us even better authorities because we’re still in the dating scene,” (D) said, while (J) noted that both women have been in relationships in the past and have seen the good, the bad and the ugly in relationships and dating.

“We’re not out there saying that there is only one way to do things or giving our personal preferences,” (D) said. “We’re just trying to lay down some really basic dating strategies that apply to the biggest number of girls … pretty generic things that will lead a first date into a second.”

It seems college students are busy these days and don’t have a lot of time to waste, which is why (D) feels Proee Consulting is important.

“Our goal is to help people make the most out of the dates that they do go on,” (D) said.

Those interested in joining the dating conversation, being a guest blogger or sharing dating stories can do so at proxeeconsulting.com."

Accompanying Photo of Me and a Friend

Pic Spam!

Not sure I agree with the end, but I love the rest. :)

Proxee Consultancy

Anyone who's ever been part of the dating world knows that the "first" of "first date" is almost always synonymous with "only". From the moment you realize he has no intention of opening that door for you, to the awkward moment when you realize your dress and heels are completely inappropriate for a surprise date hike, to the pause by the doorstop when you reluctantly admit that you "would rather stab yourself in the eye with kabob sticks than let his lips go anywhere near you" (paraphrased)... things can go fantastically, horribly wrong.

These aren't the dates we're worried about. Having a Date-From-Hell story is practically a rite of passage for women, something we can bond and giggle over while we distract ourselves with frozen yogurt on a completely date-less Friday night. Nothing says sisterhood like sharing the time your date called your mom a whore (I wish I was kidding).

No, we're more worried about the other dates. The non-spectacular failures when your roommates demand a play-by-play and all you can say is "eh". Or worse, the non-dates where you are stuck in hanging-out limbo but the guy still has the expectation of making out with you.

Dear Romeos: we know we can seem hard to get sometimes. Ever considered using different bait?

Proxee Consulting is officially open for business.

"Proxee is not like other dating services. We don’t match up, hunt singles, or play cupid. We stand in proxy for the person of your dreams, giving you practice, tips, and advice to help you be a winner on that first date. Consider us a dress rehearsal, your coach in the corner, the final run through before the actual date. There are several basic tricks when it comes to dating, and we’ll clue you in on them." (see our website for more information)

For the Guys:
The Date and Review: You take one of our Proxies out and we'll give you a comprehensive review afterward with individualized feedback about your performance.
Ask the Proxies Personal Email Session: If you just have a quick question about women, dating, or anything else you think we might be able to help with, shoot us an email.
Image Consultancy: Customized tips about personal image and wardrobe.

Our blog will be updated a few times a week with general advice, dating fail stories, and dating success stories. If you have a story to share or you want to be a guest blogger, let us know! We'd love to hear from you.

Love,
Your new Proxee

P.S.: Check out Danielle's post too!

I get by with a little help from my friends: Nat-chan

Nat-chan sent me an adorably wrapped birthday present from Japan. Isn't she the sweetest?



All the boxes of sweets were opened and emptied within a day. Foreign chocolate, guys. I have no regrets.

Public Service Announcement

If anyone would like to propose, I am accepting applications on the condition that they are mailed attached to this ring:

Available here for approximately half of my next year's salary.

Meet Your Teacher

As part of the celebration of the end of the school year, the students are given time to go to their new classroom, see their new classmates, and meet their new teacher. The veteran teachers assured me that it was something that wasn't given much thought to, but my inner greenie-teacher was nervous. What if they hate me? What if they're crazy? What if they throw desks at me, rip up all the papers, and escape out the back door???

Thankfully, they filed in quietly and took their seats at the very back of the classroom, filtering their way forward as the seats were filled. A third of my students were missing (with peer-offered excuses ranging from "absent" to "he cut his leg real bad and it was bleeding and he had to go home" to "he disappeared a few months ago... but we think he'll be back next year!"). We talked for a bit about the things they'll be learning next year and their suggested summer studying. Most of them seemed excited about math and science so I'll have to spend the summer looking up experiments for them. One little boy, who immediately earned the mental nickname Pop Quiz, was very disappointed that I wouldn't engage in an immediate lecture on "the little exclamation point that goes by numbers" and later showed concern that we wouldn't be studying factorials.


I then opened it up to them to tell me a little about themselves and what they thought would make their fifth grade year perfect. My favorite responses:

The boy who put "micro-engineering" as his favorite subject and wants to "blow stuff up in chemistry". He also wrote some of his answers backwards and the other side of the paper said "Why Santa is Dead. Ho Ho KaBOOM. Bye Bye Santa."

Another boy also wants to "destroy stuff" but he's willing to fix it too.

Two girls wrote that they were interesting because they were "flexible". Surprisingly, not the same girls that want to hold singing and dancing contests in class.

The overwhelming majority of them just want to "be involved in class". Can do!

The Lanyard- Billy Collins

This has been playing on repeat in my iTunes. It's worth a listen if you can-- his tone tends to add more humor to his poems than you might pick find in the text alone-- but the full poem is below. Happy Almost Mother's Day!

The Lanyard - Billy Collins

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Found this at my door this morning:

Senioritis? What Senioritis?

I may or may not have missed 2 of 5 pop quizzes in my last religion class because basketball, dates, and photoshoots took priority. Now, I have a killer final that I have to do well on or my Wednesday nights this semester were for nothing. So while Summer-Jayme says "wing it!", Responsible-Jayme is panicking a little.

Points for SJ: 7
Late Night Photo Scavenger Hunt (52 pts! 1 pt)
Barrett posting procrastination fodder on my wall (1 pt)
Trolling the used bookstore (1 pt)
Bikinis on the porch for hours (1 pt)
Insanity double dose workout (2 pt)
Buffet with Elly, Mexules, and Enoch (1 pt)

Points for RJ: .5
Looked over flashcards with Elly (1 pt)... while sunbathing (- .5)

Definition of a Date

Between the two of us, Elly and I cover a wide spectrum of the dating world when it comes to the guys who approach us. We picked up on the fact that dating around here could use some improvement. We have plans to fix it, but until that gets off the ground (only a year into the brainstorming process!) I wanted to rant about address some of the issues that I have run into most recently.

Most importantly: some guys seem to be forgetting how to ask a girl out.

Now, if your intention is to be friends with a girl, kudos to you (unless you are one of those "nice guys" who try to backdoor their way into a relationship by becoming a bestest friend forever first and then whining when she only sees you as exactly that). But if you want more than that, cut the crap and ask her out in a way that she will know, without a doubt, that you intend to take her on a date.



Elder Oaks mentioned in a fireside that there were three P's of dating. I'm going to piggyback off him and then add one more of my own.

1. Planned Ahead

Here's the thing guys....

Unless I hear the word "date", I'm probably not going to consider it one. The exception is the implied "date" in the words "I'd like to take you to..."

Know what we are doing! And let me know at least a day in advance via actual conversation (not a text). In a recent informal poll taken at every girl's night ever, it was determined that one of the biggest turnoffs during the first few dates are the words "So what do you want to do/ where do you want to go?"

For one, we like to know what we should wear. I'm a high heels girl and I need to know if we are going somewhere that would require a lot of walking so I can hunt down some flats. More importantly, it shows us that you cared enough to put thought into the evening. A date, especially a first date, shouldn't involve spectacular displays or the pressure for commitment, but it should involve thought.

2. Picked-up

I used to tell myself that I really didn't care if I guy picked me up, especially if we were going somewhere closer to his place than mine. But I soon noticed that the guys who were willing to just meet me there were the ones who were lazy in other areas as well. Now I have a strict no-drive, no-date policy that helps me weed out the lazy ones. If he doesn't think I'm worth the drive, I don't think he's worth the date. Once things are more established between us, I'm happy to spend time behind the wheel to see him.

Show the girl the courtesy of picking her up.

3. Paid For

Touchy subject and one that varies depending on the person. I'm a firm believer that whoever asks, pays. Show the girl that she's more than just a convenient piece of estrogen and follow-through with the date you arranged. Down the road, she'll do the same.

4. Privacy

Can I add a fourth one here? Privacy. I'm not talking about alone-at-the-apartment-in-the-dark privacy. I mean showing the girl the courtesy of being on a date with her and only her. Dating is not a spectator sport and you should not be bringing along a panel of judges friends. I should not feel like a contestant on American Idol when I'm with you. Nothing about our date should bring to mind Ruben Studdard comparisons.

Make me feel like the one on the right and I will turn into the one on the left.

Lately, I've noticed that more and more guys I go out with want to immediately introduce me to their friends. Now, I'm not against getting to know a guy's friends. I've stayed friends with almost every guy I have ever been involved with and one of the best parts was that I also got to stay friends with the people I met through them. I even love meeting their new girlfriend or spouse and seeing what type of girl was right for them. But if every date we went on included their friends in some way, you can be sure that I wouldn't have stuck around long enough to get to know any of them. Let me explain.

Part of beginning to date someone, and a part the I struggle with, is being vulnerable to someone you really have no reason to trust yet. If most of our dates involve your buddies, you aren't going to see the parts of me that I would have shown you otherwise. Whatever feelings I might start to have for you are incentive for me to start opening up to you. I don't have any of those feelings for your friends. They might seem like a safety net to you, a group of people to validate your choice or give you a fall-back in case I turn out to be boring. But to me, they are an audience that I don't necessarily want to preform for. Their presence is going to influence what we talk about, what we don't talk about, and how I act around you.

Essentially, if we are hanging out with your friends, we are hanging out. You are friend-zoning yourself by not putting us in situations (read: taking me on dates) that would promote the kind of intimacy that leads to actual dating.

Do I want to meet your friends? Yes, eventually.

Do I want them to like me? Yes.

But I want you to like me, to get to know me, first.

Fifth Grade Library

I've been trolling D.I., Savers, and garage sales lately for books I can use to stock my fifth grade classroom library. I've collected quite a few that fall under the category of "oldie-but-goodies" (or more likely: "things-Jayme-vaguely-remembers-reading-and-they-only-cost-a-dollar"). Unsurprisingly, the more recent books that are popular with kids haven't been designated to many thrift stores. Likewise, finding firsts in a series can be pretty difficult unless you go online (which I have, much to my wallet's chagrin). I've been soliciting donations/bargains on craigslist, freecycle, and facebook, but I wanted to keep track of the books I want most. Crossed out numbers are books I've managed to find.

Wish-List:

Wayside School Series 1 2 3 4 5
Peter and the Starcatchers Series 1 2 3 4
Percy Jackson Series 1 2 3 4 5
City of Ember Series 1 2 3 4
Animorphs Series 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Winding Circle by Tamora Pierce 1 2 3 4
Ella Enchanted
Among the Hidden
Rules by Cynthia Lord
Holes by Louis Sachar
Frindle by Andrew Clements
Series of Unfortunate Events 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
The Mysterious Benedict Society 1 2 3
Pendragon series 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Fablehaven series 1 2 3 4 5
Artemis Fowl 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Anything by Roald Dahl
Harry Potter Series 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Number the Stars
Dear America Series
The Giver
Sammy Keyes 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
Goosebumps
Anything by Louis Sachar
Chronicles of Narnia 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Student Requested:
The Ranger's Apprentice series
The Mysterious Adventure of Edward Tulane
Miss Fortune
The Boy Next Door
Dragon Rider
The Dear Dumb Diary Series
Bad Kitty Series
Diary of a Wimpy Kid

On Hope

Thursday night.

I'm in crazy-hippie-man's class, being lectured on the divine power of the feminine, Jesus' resurrection, and the Kennedy assassination plot. As per usual, I have my phone out, ready to text Elly with the latest conspiracy theory quotes and Star Trek references. It lights up-- a message from my little sister:

"Mom went to the doctor and they found precancerous cells on her cervix."

She didn't know much more than that. Mom had left her phone at home and didn't respond to my texts. The router at our apartment was broken, so as soon as class ended I went to the lab and started researching. Precancerous cells are considered Stage 0 cancer and, if caught early, can be "cured" 100%. Those with Stage 0 cervical cancer have a 93% five-year survival rate. Of course, if it is someone you love, that pre-cancer is still way, way too much cancer.

I was shaken so I participated in my holy trinity of coping:
1. Pray
2. Read the scriptures
3. Eat In & Out (because nothing says "my mom has cancer" like giving yourself a sympathy heart attack).

I've since talked to my mom and she sounds nonchalant about the whole thing (though that may have to do with her access to a supply of morphine to "make things easier or speed things up"). They found the polyps at her doctor visit (her first one of the kind in 19 years) and sent them to the lab. They aren't sure if it has spread or how far it would have spread so we're playing the waiting game until the labs come back.

I feel like I'm in suspension, like I'm swimming in water and I can see the worry and panic floating above me but they haven't reached me yet. The answer to my prayers thus far has been a calming mantra in my head: "Don't worry until it is yours to worry about."

I have hope. Not in the sense of miraculous healings or things getting better. I just know that now would be a lousy time to stop trusting God. I don't know what His plan is but I know He has one and He'll give me the strength I need to get through whatever He has coming. I wish I had stronger, more unique words to say, some spectacular new lesson I've learned, but I don't. It's the same faith and trust that carried me through everything else that will carry me through this too. Vaclav Havel: "Hope is not that conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."

Good reasons not to go to class: Modelling Edition

At some point, someone said something about how you won't remember all the moments in your life. This totally works as an excuse to skive off class to go do a last minute photoshoot for the mother of a guy you barely know.

As I was helping her carry her equipment outside to where we were shooting by the trees, all I could think was "Why did I think I could do this? I have one face and it is smiley-Jayme!" Julie worked her magic in such a sweet, matronly way that eventually I was making angry-amused-face with the worst of them.

Pictures to follow! (Hopefully) Pictures below! All of these are property of Julie Pierce. I'm just in them. :)

What Teachers Make

Out of respect for the school and people involved, I've been keeping blog-fully silent about the events that unfolded in the past month during my practicum. However, I don't feel that I am crossing any lines when I say that I adored all of my 6th graders and I really enjoyed the opportunity I had to work with them. We had a terrific time together, exploring microscopes and fungi and finding creative uses for my empty food boxes. I'm sorry you got your hopes up about the pop tarts every. single. time.

The past month and a half was a blur of three things: drama, work, and ever increasing amounts of caffeine. But I walked out of it with the one thing I have been working towards for the past three years: an internship. In the fall, I will have my very own gaggle of fifth graders in my very own classroom at Wasatch Elementary.

We interviewed Wednesday morning and were told to wait by our phones from 3-5 that afternoon for the call that would tell us who, if anyone, offered us a position. Those few hours in between were some of the most stretched out minutes of my life. Concentrating on a 1980's Disney thriller is not easy when all you can think of is how your phone might be ringing, glowing silently in your purse in the storage room while you are stuck trying to figure out whether the villain is an alien or a demon. Miss. HM, a fellow student teacher and intern hopeful, was called out during the movie and came back glowing about her new position as a first or second grade teacher. My call came when I was hugging all my students goodbye (I let it go to voice-mail. Priorities).

When I called Neff back and she told me my placement, I cried in relief. I spent the next two days being more relieved than excited, which then turned to nerves, and finally settled into bubbly excitement.

Perfect Date

This might be one of the sweetest set-ups I have ever seen. I'm officially declaring it my new "perfect date".

Only with just one cushion ;)

Sorry, "Carriage ride around temple square at Christmas with hot chocolate". You can still be my perfect winter date.

EDIT: I keep trying to type "dating" in as a tag for this post. It auto-corrects to "dating fail" every time. Technology reflects life? :p

Dear Blank, Please Blank

Dear Students,

I know when you're texting.

Sincerely,
No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.

via Dear Blank, Please Blank

Rob's Closet

A few month's ago I warned Rob that one day I would sneak into his house and try on all of his clothes. Last week, Elly and I made good on that threat.

Dear Blank, Please Blank

via Dear Blank, Please Blank

Teaching Inspiration