Fever Dreams: BiC

I've decided to start a Movement (capitalized because that totally makes it legitimate, amiright?). It's called the Bored in Class, or BiC, Movement because A) I'm not in advertising so my creativity levels are somewhere between the Star Wars remakes and Mean Girls 2 and B) ripping off pen company brand names is the new black, y'all.

Essentially, college kids who have to suffer through extremely boring classes for an unholy percentage of their non-senile years can sign up with their phone number and class times and they'll be assigned another user with a class at the same time. Numbers will be exchanged and BAM. Boredom alleviated! They can spend the class period texting each other. Depending on the creepiness factor of their partner, this could extend to hours of further giggles, including Stalker Watch, Fun with Restraining Orders, and Stockholm Marriages*!

*Handcuffs not included.

UPDATE: Do You Have Any Gum took notice and created a logo for BiC! Isn't it pretty? Here's a close-up of the emblem, complete with icanhazcheezeburgers cats.

Catching up on the Awesome

In order:

1. Last Thursday, my mother called to tell me she was in town for a nursing meeting. We went to Costco where she filled me up with actual groceries (to supplement my personal collection of Lean Pockets) and convinced me to my night class to go to Salt Lake with her. We grabbed my little sister, ate massive amounts of butter crab and clams at Joe's Crab Shack, and watched the inappropriately hilarious "Just Go With It".

2. Elly and Mexules taught me to play Call of Duty on Saturday. Afterwards, we went to what we thought would be a b-boy competition but was actually one white kid bouncing around in a dark room. We went to ghetto laser tag instead (I loved the two floor arena and half hour time limit). The next day, Mexules and I were both sick and Elly followed soon after. I now sound like a frog with a nictonine addiction, which has greatly improved my ability to sing my favorite rock songs with the right amount of "one bad decision away from dying" in my tone.

3. I took my mama to the BYU v Colorado State game yesterday.

She's not Racist.... Just Sleepy

Me: Hey, Elly!

Elly (asleep): Nnn...?

Me: Read this! (tosses her the book I'm using for an assignment)

Elly (squints at the cover): There once was a girl...she was black...and she liked it because she was diverse and got all the scholarships. Amen.

Experiences I never thought I'd have...

I turned my music way down on the way home because I was worried it would disturb the Madagascar hissing cockroaches in the seat next to me.

Last night, a guy made the mistake (?) of asking us for a ride home from FHE. On the drive back, Elly and I interrogated him. One of the things she asked was: "Do you like art?"

Now, really.

Who doesn't like art?

(He doesn't. I may have accused him of being Satan)

I tend to lean toward surrealist photography so I'd like to dedicate this post to a new favorite artist of mine. His name is Alastair Magnaldo.

Reflections of a Consecrated Life

Note: This is a paper I had to write reflecting on a talk given by one of the General Authorities in the most recent conference session. I'd like to preserve some of the thoughts I had and, as my class requires frequent journal writing, this is the medium I'm using. The talk I referenced can be found here.

As with most college students, the issue of what to do with my life has been one that has weighed heavily on my mind recently. I am approaching the end of my academic career, though a year-long internship will post-pone my actual graduation date, and have had cause to look hard at the things I have and have not accomplished so far. A couple years ago, it was made plain to me what my direction for life should be and the assurance that I am headed in the right direction has remained with me since then. However, other aspects of my life have been neglected out of fear and distraction. The Lord has been firm with me lately regarding what else I need to be striving for. In light of this, I chose to focus on Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s talk “Reflections on a Consecrated Life”. In it, he gave five main elements to a consecrated life: purity, work, service, respect for one’s physical body, and integrity. This paper will focus on my reflections of each as they have appeared in my life.

The first element I will discuss is purity, especially as it applies to repentance. Elder Christofferson says that true repentance involves complete submission. It is putting off the natural man and “acceptance of all the Lord may require”. While I do well keeping myself clean, it is my stubbornness that I have had cause to repent of. It has come to my attention that there are blessings that the Lord dearly wants me to have at this time, blessings that I have tried to put off in favor of other, objectively equal, paths He has also asked me to pursue. I am learning, albeit slowly, that in order to fully consecrate my life I must also give up my fears, understanding that though they may be reasonable, they are not justified. It has no place if I truly have faith in the plans God has for me.

I am taking the liberty of combining work and service into one topic, as they are closely intertwined. Elder Christofferson states that “work builds and refines character, creates beauty, and is the instrument of our service to one another and to God” (emphasis mine) and that “God has designed this mortal existence to require nearly constant exertion”. Experiences in my youth led me to believe that I must never rely on or expect help from other people, save God. Success became defined as being able to take full responsibility for myself in every aspect: financially, spiritually, romantically, and the like. In many ways, I was blessed with this liberation for I could relate full well to the thought that Elder Christofferson quoted from Elder Evans: “Life offers you two precious gifts—one is time, the other freedom of choice, the freedom to buy with your time what you will”. Thankfully, the Lord was merciful enough to give me experiences that led me to start surrendering, or consecrating, my life to Him. While the job I am seeking now is one far below my original pay grade and esteem goals, it is the daily service that is rendered from it that makes it far more satisfying than I ever expected.

The next element of consecration is respect for one’s physical body. Elder Christofferson reminds us that our bodies are temples of God and the instrument of our spirits. It should thus be treated as a creation of God, not to be defiled or abused. Like most young women, I have struggled with my physical body, even frequently treating it as an enemy. Only in the past two years have I learned to appreciate what its true purpose is: to help me perform the duties I am called to do. The inappropriate attention from others that made me fear it, the hate the I directed towards it, and the things I did to it to simultaneously punish and “improve” it were no more than tools of the enemy that prevented me from forming a united soul (body and spirit) that could be presented to the Lord to be used for His purposes.

The last element that Elder Christofferson mentions is integrity, driven from knowledge that we are accountable to God for all our doings. Though perhaps one of the most important ones, it is the element I have the least to say about as developing it is a life-long process that requires I surrender even my character to God. It is dealing with all men honestly and fairly, with compassion and honor, and is reflected in the interactions that occur daily. I do not claim perfection in this. I can only say that I will continue to move forward and pray that God will aid me.

The impression I was given while listening to and studying Elder Christofferson’s talk is that living a consecrated life involves seeking revelation about the things the Lord would have you do and then acting on the revelations you receive without fail. Work and effort are guaranteed but will be made holy through divine purpose, purpose that very often involves serving others. Respecting the physical body will make it easier to perform the tasks you are given. Integrity is required as a daily commitment and purity is necessary in order to ensure the most open lines of communication between you and your Heavenly Father. But these are all self-supporting elements; the more they are strengthened the more readily they will be sustained. My intention is to have a fully consecrated life; my actions are still moving towards it.

A Very Merry Unbirthday!

We're all mad here.

Today was the best birthday I've ever had (that wasn't actually my birthday, or even her's). Hell's Bells hit the big 1-8 on Friday. According to her, being legal means:

1. "Tittttttyyyyyy barrrrr" (facebook status)

2. She "can bring home 38 year old men!" Statutory rape is a thing of the past!

3. Not having to bum fake IDs to get into the same clubs mi madre used to party at.

Her actual birthday was rough going, culminating in a great dinner at Tucanos where the waiters brought me the bloodiest meat they were allowed to (thumbs up!) but the circumstances were less than ideal for the others. There were tears, verge of tears, and general frustration (thumbs down).

We called a do-over.

Today was filled with Insanity, an intense workout that started solo then became a spectator sport until my mother joined me (Bells and the Boyfriend provided "supportive" commentary). We went shopping for a few hours, got pedicures (even the Boyfriend), and then Bells and I headed to dinner with Legally Blonde.

We covered the basics: Bells' love life, how my recently widowed grandma is getting along, the concerts Legally Blonde had attended....

Then Legal's shirt sleeve rode up a little.

Me: "(Legal), did you get a tattoo?!"

He's got a big, black, tribal sign on his arm in celebration of his upcoming Big One Birthday. I think it has to do with fighting his age but, as I told him, I'm not sure what he's so worried about. My parents both look twenty years younger than they should and Blonde flat out is twenty years younger than you'd expect so really, I'm going to be surrounded by The Pretty People for a while. He seemed a bit miffed that I had noticed (as he pointed out, I'm so unobservant that I had to have the fact that they installed a deck on the front of our house pointed out to me) because Bells is itching for a tattoo and he's anti-inked-daughter (but if she has to, "Bones" at Southern Thunder does good work. Blonde agreed that he totally sounds like a worker at a strip club).

The rest of our conversation involved stripper tricks, the various ways Bells' friend's pets had died, and Legal's all-encompassing opinion of "Take that shiz* somewhere else!".

This is my family. We're non-traditional, irreverent, and hell is given to all. But if you could have seen us through the past nine years, you'd understand why being able to laugh together is one of the greatest gifts we've got.

*C'mon.

Never a Better Time than Now

I was talking to my mother's boyfriend during the holidays and our conversation turned, as it usually does, to how much we care about my mother and all the things we wished could be different for her. He remarked on this, saying that he wants things to stop piling on her, for the challenges to end.

The only thing I could say back was, "They won't. Life doesn't stop being heavy. But the trials we go through change and that is something to be thankful for."

I'm aware that that reeks of pessimism and even a little ingratitude. That's not how I mean it. I am fully aware of and grateful to my Heavenly Father for carrying me through the things I have faced. It is the strength that I've received from Him that gives me the courage to say, and believe, that "it doesn't have to be okay." To me, happiness is facing adversity without resentment.

Lately I've been getting strongly prompted that there is something more I need to be doing. My immediate response was panic (please God do not send me on a mission!) and confusion (you already made me change my major, so what now?). It is as if my spirit had been contained in a comparatively large bucket, filled to the brim. Then God stole my bucket and emptied it into a giant vat and said "Here, fill this one now".

(That is to say, my testimony hasn't been diminished. Its capacity has just rapidly expanded.)

After much prayer, scripture study, and a priesthood blessing, I've been pointed in the direction I'm supposed to go in.

Now, this is not a direction I am opposed to on principle. I have been promised and even desire to get there...someday. It is just that my life right now is so hectic, I pushed it to a lower priority. I'm trying to cram a full-time job's worth of duties into the hours between my ten very involved classes, in addition to some precious social and spiritual commitments. The thing I'm being asked to do, despite its "impact on the rest of my life and my children's lives", just hasn't seemed to fit in yet.

Here's where a mind-crush of mine, Soren Kierkegaard, comes in:

"The matter is quite simple. The bible is very easy to understand...We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined...Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God.”

(Seriously, who doesn't love the brilliant snarkiness of the man?)

There is never a perfect time for things. Life goes through heavy and light moments but I can't live waiting for it to be "light enough". Light or heavy becomes irrelevant when compared with the true state of circumstances: that the choice is not "now or later" but rather "do or do not". I've been given direction and, as with any revelation from God, I am responsible for acting on it from the moment I received it, regardless of what else is filling my time.

Working in God's time table doesn't always mean waiting patiently for things hoped for in the future. sometimes it means getting off my pockets and doing what He wants me to, even if it is sooner than I'd like. Even if it's right now.