Bailey

Earlier today I had a voice-mail on my cell phone. It was a few seconds of frantic barking followed by my mother's voice saying "You're going to be alright" over and over again before it petered off into tears. The message ended there. I immediately called my mom and found out that a car had hit our dog, Bailey.

Bailey

She survived the impact but her broken rib punctured her lung. As of tonight, she's at the vet's in a little oxygen-infused enclosure, wrapped up in bandages and drugged out of her mind (though she can still find it in her to try to crawl through the petting hole and let out a constant stream of pained yips). The vet says that there isn't anything they can do except wait and see if she pulls through (about a 50/50 chance).

As I was driving back to my apartment, I kept thinking: Alright, Life. I get it. You are so much bigger and meaner than I could ever hope to be. Now please stop shitting on my face.

(I apologize for the language. My inner-self and I are still working on the cussing issue).

My little sister said, "God, if you let Bailey live, I will never do anything wrong again."

My mom said, "Good things never happen to good people."

The thing is, I don't believe that's how it works. As elementary as it is, life only consists of two types of circumstances: the ones you can control and the ones you can't. Being a good person has to be a reward on its own because it is no guarantee of anything good coming your way. I believe in blessings and I believe that our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, but between teaching us and letting us be blissfully stagnant, we've already chosen to learn. You can control your actions and do the things that will lead to the kinds of consequences that you desire. But there is still a realm of things that may fall on you for the better or worse and where what you deserve is supplanted by what you are given.

And if that's really part of Heavenly Father's Plan, then that has to be okay. Maybe the real blessing is that sometimes, even rarely, we do get to choose, that we aren't stuck with just being acted upon, that we get even an iota of influence in the dealings in our lives. That even when things are spiraling out of control, I can look around and say "This is how this happened. A affected B and C happened and now I'm going to do D". Even if I don't understand the "why" behind it all, I have the faith to say "Okay. I'll take it and I'll work with it".

I don't need things to be better. I just need them to go forward.

"Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not. . . . Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not . . . . He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not. . . . Our God will deliver us from threats, accusations, and insecurity, but if not. . . . He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not, . . . we will trust in the Lord.

Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not. . . . He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not. . . . We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not, . . . we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has."
-Elder Dennis E. Simmons of the Quorum of the Seventy

Update: Bailey is fine! She's all bandaged up and is getting spoiled silly :)