Step 1: Go to your local Tucanos in celebration. A last girl's night before your best friend leaves to get married (C-Dot I am going to miss you so, so much) is a perfect occasion.
Step 2: Interrupt everyone's meals with the loud squeaking/scratching noise of your small table being rotated. Now everyone in the restaurant has noticed you. You and your partner in crime can now sit comfortably on the squishy bench side and forsake the wooden chair on the other side of the table that always seems to be in the way of every server and fellow glutton.
Step 3: Gorge. Watch the cute server make a kicked puppy face when you refuse his juicy meats. Feel slightly bad that you are being so selective in the meat you are eating. Hold out for the good stuff!
Step 4: Turn the wooden block to red/stop.
At this point (based on my experiences) one of two things will happen.
Option 1: The large group of grandpa-aged foreign guys at the table next to you will hear you and your friend debating whether to splurge on death by chocolate cake. They will then buy one and send it to your table on their way out.
Option 2 (discovered tonight): You will receive a coupon from a group of teenage boys at a nearby table. Wave to them as they leave.
Get excited about the free dessert you get. Have the cute server point out that there is probably a phone number on it. Laugh really hard and add cluelessness to the list of reasons why you are still single. Flip card over to see this:
"Call for a good time! ###-###-####"
Applaud them for using a pickup line usually reserved for the back of hooker call cards in Vegas.
Step 5: Eat cake!
"hooker cards" HAHA!!
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