July 25, 2010

Every so often, if you are very lucky, you meet a person who seems entirely in tune with your core self. Someone who has no blinders about your worth (infinite), your flaws (also infinite), and with whom every new facet of yourself is simply a new leaf of a well-loved tree. With whom there is no shame, no self-degrading, no desperate plea for attention and validation. Someone with whom you can simply be. As a certain red-headed orphan would say "bosom friends".

This is one of those people:


But this post isn't about her. It's about him:


In honor of his Herculean feat of carrying me up three flights of stairs at a dead sprint, let's call him Mex-ules.

Mexules came into our apartment's collective life as the protector. At first, it was taking over home teaching duties and thus foiling an ex-boyfriend's plan to continue stalking wooing one of our own. He then progressed to personal chef, willing stalk-ee, guy beater, couch sleeper, and occasionally, spiritual fount.

Acting in his first capacity, he came over tonight. He gave me the choice of two lessons: forgiveness or optimism. I asked for the second; he misheard and gave me the first. And of course, it turned out to connect to something fresh on my mind.

It has been one of the great struggles in my life to watch people I care about try to function without the most basic aspect of love: forgiveness. True forgiveness means that accepting the other person for all of their potential. You can neither expect them to change, as that implies conditional forgiveness, NOR can you ignore the possibility that they might, as that is damning them unjustly. Repentance is a product of their relationship with God and the stipulation of a change of heart is one that only He can demand. Of us, it is required "to forgive all Men".

I firmly believe this and so was a little jarred when Mexules pointed out that our lack of forgiveness could hinder someone else's progression. We will never be able to make someone change, but we can stop setting them up to fail.

He also pointed out that there are three people that need our forgiveness for us to progress: 1) Others 2) Ourselves 3) God".

I have been blessed with experiences that have allowed me the chance to build a solid relationship with all members of my Heavenly Family. I have been carried by Their love and been saved too completely to feel any bitterness towards Them. Through this, I have learned to love and value myself. And though it stems more from jaded-ness than perfection, I can honestly say I have very little problem forgiving others.

Why? Because stripped of everything else, we have our agency, our power to act. Every minute is an opportunity to choose your reaction. You can choose to wallow in anger against how you want things to be, and punish yourself and others when those ideals aren't met.

Or you can choose to hope: to accept with grace how things are and actively work toward something better.